Ok so the politics that go behind the bisou, at least from a foreigner’s point of view, is an awkward mind boggle.
By “bisous” I mean the trademark kisses planted on the cheek. A trait that Europeans, but more specifically, the French are so well known for.
It is not unusual for a person to walk into a room full of 20 people and give them all bisous one by one…(believe me the noise can be a bit grating at times) Er..what exactly am i supposed to do? Nine times out a ten I don’t know all these people. Although you are not technically supposed to “faire les bises”‘ for people you don’t know, people sometimes do it do anyway. Unfortunately this means that introductions are an embarrassing combo of half handshakes and cautionary bisou attempts until we muddle through to an appropriate greeting.
Oh cursory head nod how i miss you so! it acknowledges everyone, eliminates small talk with the people you don’t really like/know and then you can get straight to talking with people you actually can into the room to talk to. It is ironically less fake in my view.
For example, take me at work, I mean, as the slight loner that no one knows…how exactly am I going to go around air kissing (preferable in this heat) everyone? And by everyone I mean all these strangers I semi-dislike and or am extremely indifferent about?
In my sad observation I have noticed that there are four types of bisous
- The Absolutely Fabulous-esque air kiss (preferable in this heat) very scweetie dah-ling
-The cheek to cheek “bisou”- this says I don’t really like you, this is just a formalitiy… I’m checking someone else’s outfit at the same time…who’s next?
- The half lip, half smacker variety- Now there is some lip sensation on the cheek here, but not uncomfortably so. The more friendlier/common kind of bisou in my opinion
-The full on lip to both cheeks smacker- Done in my experience by either sweaty slightly pervy men or sweet well meaning old ladies who are probably trying to maintain it’s original significance…you know the good old days when people actually liked each other.
The whole kissing decorum frankly baffles me. I think my relcutances comes partly from British reserve and partly the fact that I am quite shy at heart. Don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with a good old bisou (the 3rd/4th variety) with someone you genuinely like but how am I going to go up to the sour faced vice principal who’s idea of an acknowledgment is to look me up and down while having a conversation with someone else?! Excuse me if I don’t get the overwhelming urge to give her a bisous like we’re long lost lovers! ( she’s blatently a type 2 bisou-er) It can be fake and so awkward.
But you know what, caution to the wind…when in Rome right? I am in the midst of this culture; I should get on board right?
Wrong. This “open-minded” approach has also backfired.
I was in a bar with some friends and was introduced to a large group of people my friends knew who then sat down on the opposite side of the table. I braced myself after having given myself the whole “get in with the culture” prep talk earlier that day and went in for the lunge. It was only as a I was half way through leaning/bisou-ing that I realised how stupid I felt and how they hadn’t actually looked like they were going to bisou me in the first place as we didn’t know each other (but some people still do it anyway! someone tell me how a girl is supposed to know?!) Also they were that little bit too far across the table so I was literally lunging and kissing (type 3 thank you very much) totally unnecessary for strangers I’d never see again…oh the shame!
I left the bar a few hours later and, still wearing the shame of the earlier bisou incident, I held back when being introduced to another group of people who all looked at me shiftily as I didn’t initiate the bises…I literally cannot win!
So what to do? Will I ever get it right? Can I not be selective? I don’t want to appear rude…really I don’t…the problem is just that I am just that little bit too foreign for this.
Right. From now on…bisous are only for my friends…simple.
si seulement….
2 Comments
May 6, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Hi, good post. I have been thinking about this issue,so thanks for writing. I will certainly be subscribing to your site. Keep up great writing
May 11, 2009 at 4:00 am
hey thanks!